Dear Other Something,
It has been a while! 4 years ago when we first met, I never thought we would meet again. I truly hoped that we wouldn’t. But here we are again – you and I.
Have you been well, Other Something? When you left, I was mending. I would eventually learn that every ounce of what one creates must be tended to – and mending will become a way of life. In losing you, I lost my urge to mend. But I couldn’t bear your closeness, my dear other something. I couldn’t bear your free will, couldn’t stand your rationality and I loathed your proximity to me. I am sorry I was not stronger. I am sorry I pushed you away. You were a mirror to my cowardice and I hated that.
I was naive. I didn’t know what you were. You were this other something, a force, alive, inhabiting my body – surfacing every fragment of its fragility. You were so free spirited, I came to believe your spirit had taken control of me. The truth was so far removed from reality that I never knew what I was wading through. I guess I still don’t. All I knew then was to run away from you. And so I did.
I felt you today – moving and shifting and shuffling me from within. Reminding me again of how fragile my body is, reminding me of its nonexistence, displacing and distorting my organs. Deceiving my irrational mind. The discomfort you bring is one I am most familiar with, yet I have struggled to find you in my memory. I write to you out of selfishness. I write to inform you that I am strong now – a lesser coward, a more forgiving being. Teach me how to live with you….teach me to let you live in me. My Other Something, I am ready to have you back, if you will have me.